I sometimes feel like there is a brand new set of challenges waiting for me at the beginning of each month. Lately, my biggest challenge has been finding balance in my life as a new mom. Balancing motherhood with womanhood is something I know other women in the world are facing as a challenge to overcome. Some may find it’s as easy as taking a moment at the end of the day to read or catch up on some mindless games on the iSomething, but others (like me) are having a hard time separating ourselves and creating the distinction between being a mother and being a woman.
All my life I have wanted to be a mother and nothing in this world could ever make me want to go back to the life I had before our little man strolled into my life. That being said, I don’t think I was aware that I would struggle so much with maintaining my “Self” separate from being “Mama”. There are lots of things that bring me joy and make life fulfilling for me and being a mother is one of those things (a big one in fact), but when do I find time to do the other things I enjoy? When I reach the end of the day and take stock of what I have accomplished on my big todo list, 90% of the time I have done housework in some form or another, spent a good deal of time vegging out in front of a small screen, and taken care of the boy. I always end up feeling guilty for not getting MORE housework done than I did, and for spending as much time doing “nothing” as I did. The truth of the matter is clear though, any time I have been “vegging” it’s been the only thing I could do that didn’t require any commitment in case the boy needed me. I have been told that I need to stop being so hard on myself. What I really need to be doing though, is (yes, stop being so hard on myself…and…) spend an hour or two after the boy goes to bed, just taking care of me.
And so do you!
My self assigned homework for the next couple days is to make a list of all the things I enjoy doing just for ME. I am a big fan of lists and I make them often. In any small pile of paper that needs to be dealt with (we all have them scattered around the house, I know it can’t be just me) you will usually find at least two lists, if not more, of random crap that I need to do. 100% of the time my lists are of household things that need to be taken care of. This time, no household chores on the list…just personal care type items. For example, I love writing this blog so I am going to add it to my list and assign one night a week where I will dedicate at least one hour to writing. Not many people read it, but what it comes down to is that I have done something that brings me joy and makes me feel human again. I’m also going to make sure that at least once a month I play with my sewing machine and create something fun. I’m not an excellent seamstress, but I like to pick up vintage items from garage sales and thrift stores, then Frankenstein them together to make entirely new pieces of clothing. That little feeling of accomplishment and pride when a project works out is pretty special. There are many other things I would like to spend more time doing, but those will find a place in my day one at a time.
Sometimes all a woman really needs is a nice long shower where her thoughts aren’t revolving around what the baby is doing, is he safe, what was that sound, why is it so quiet, is he still alive, I had better cut this shower short, where is he, oh my god where is he, oh he’s absolutely fine sitting there with his toys.
What are some of your favourite things to do to keep you grounded? Comments are encouraged and welcome.
Until next time!
Hopefully it won’t be such a giant gap between posts this time.